At some point in your life, either in your teenage years or at a later point in time, the urge to always speak the truth will seem like a tool you always can rely on in your communication with the person you love or in other relationships such as friendships, colleagues or your parent. Or can you?
Makotos intention were the very essence of why, and when, you should tell the truth
Honesty in love
I was watching the new season of Queer Eye, in Japan, and there was this moment that had me sobbing with the rest of the world.
What was it that had us all breaking out the Kleenex-boxes? Just the fact that they were honest, or was it more to it?
When honesty works
“Honesty is the best policy.” You know the phrase? That is just the thing though, with phrases. They are a popular collections of words, often in a variety of situations, by people who once were moved by them and found use of them in all hours of the day.
Like the phrase that went viral in 1992, and still to this day inspires and connects people, who know the clip with the epic actor Jack Nicholsons signature scene from the movie A Few Good Men.
Who is it for, the need for truth telling? Who are you being honest with? And, what are you hoping it will it gain in your relationship with them?
“Mummy, are they telling me the truth?” Lill, 2 years old. My parents were friends with four brothers who were neighbours of ours. Naturally I felt like a princess and loved all the attention, but there was just one thing I didn’t like. When they told fibs and I didn’t understand if they were joking or not. So I would ask my mother, and she always told me the truth. “No, they are just joking with you.”
Telling the truth and being honest. It all boils down to the intention of sharing or withholding the truth. In this episode from Queer Eye, Makotos intention were the very essence of why, and when, you should tell the truth. He adhered to the cardinal rule: being truthful to yourself.
Yes, it is a cliche, but hear me out and you will see the true meaning, and the most effective use of the tool of being honest.
Intention of honesty
First of all, what you don’t own, no-one will take seriously. So, no matter how truthful you are, if you are saying it to appease someone else just to show how trustworthy you are, it will backfire on you. Mean it, or put a lid on it until you do.
Like Makoto did. It was not until he could be truthful with himself, when Karamo asked him if he loved his wife. The bluntness of the question freed Makoto to be in the moment and answer truthfully.
Honesty is not a all purpose tool for people to trust you. Are you expecting people will talk about you as a such a honest person? You can always count on her? That, simply put, has nothing to do with being honest. It has more to do with showing up, but that is post in itself for another time. What is your truth and other peoples truth, can be quite different.
For your truth to have any effect, you must invite the other person, as Karamo did, into the mental space where honesty will have the most effect. This is how Makato managed to be so honest with himself.
PS! The featured image to this post is a happy old lady, who are known for their honesty. Then again, they own it. They have lived enough of a life to know when to speak up and there they are considered honest.
Helena Bonham Carter (53?!) talks about getting older and tips on how to embrace it.