Using conflicts as a possibility for better relationships

Photography by Ryan McGuire | pixabay

The art of being part of a discussion is not a lost art, because to be fair, has it ever been close to the drawing board in the first place?

Apparently, you only have two options. Either you are right or you are wrong. That is like saying there are only solid colours in the colour palettes being ignorant to the beautiful shades of grey, yellow, red and so much more.

How we live our lives are based on the stories we tell ourselves and the world around us. The repeated truths that we have grown unconscious of. What is your story?

All the answers

Our go-to technique in most discussions tends to be you telling the other person all your truths and then they answer back with all their truths, hoping that they will align somehow. How often do you find that to happen? And we wonder why people don’t understand us.

It is a bit like being cavemen and going up to another person and hitting them over the head and bringing them home because you like them. I should think we have evolved since then, this is your invitation to become conscious of it.

A conflict could be a breeding ground for closer relationships and better understanding if you choose to be in wonder.

The partner you are looking for

With the convoluted ways of politicians who are expected to have all the answers, even on statements and questions that are so far out in the field of insanity, we get confused.

We the viewers, expecting an answer to be either right or wrong, find the politicians distrusting if they are willing to be as I call it; “not yet decided”. We’d rather have a rambling leader who is sure of himself than a leader who is willing to discuss the matter more. To educate himself. Is this how you treat your partner? Demanding answers no matter how uneducated the answers are?

Demanding that your partner is perfect, with no flaws will only set you up for disappointment, but also have you missing out on a great opportunity. You are not perfect either and that is what’s so perfect with both of you.

There is strength in showing you would rather educate yourself about yourself, your partner and the world, rather than giving an answer just to save face.

Choosing your partner for her willingness to discuss, seeing the strenght in their not knowing but willing to find out, will give you years of empowering discussions rather than fights to prove who is right and who is wrong.

There are multiple topics we are expected to state an opinion far too soon. Climate change, religion and how to raise children are often hot potatoes to be handled with your willingness to be in wonder. First, ask yourself: do you really know what it means to be in wonder?

Not yet decided

I dream of the day when a politician answers in a debate: that is a great idea, I would love to look into that. I feel I need more information to make a decision on that. Do you have more to add before we end the topic?

The way I see it, there is three ways to relating to a statement:

  1. Being right
  2. Being wrong
  3. Not yet decided

This seems to be an unused muscle in our communications repertoire. That doesn’t mean you’re not able to become fluent in this way of discussion. It just means you are coming home and like when you haven’t breathed because you were stressed for a while, this is your natural communications ground and you are now allowed to breathe again.

I like seeing possibilities where others see problems. It’s like a switch that turns on with a light board in my mind telling me: this is an opportunity!

I urge you to stand up to the people in your life that demand an answer from you before you are ready. You are not yet decided, and if they have a problem with it, it is exactly that.

Their problem.

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